Photo Credit - Alana Peters
What This Season Asks of Us
As a retired teacher, I still feel the weeks leading up to the winter holidays in my bones. There were concerts and class parties, and a room that got a little louder every day closer to the break. Many of the kids who came to school were sick, and many of their parents were tired and stretched too thin. Now that I work alongside leaders and teams, I see the same season from a different angle. Year-end deadlines and budgets land on top of holiday events, staff illness and everyone’s own family expectations. Leaders carry their own load and their team’s at the same time. That weight doesn’t stay at the office. It comes home with us, often without our noticing.
Familiar Patterns
When pressure rises, most of us fall into familiar patterns. In my work, I call them the Three F’s of Reactive Leadership. Some of us fade: we go quiet, push back one-on-ones and get through the days on autopilot. Some of us get frustrated: our emails get shorter, we hold on to more control and we have less patience with ourselves and others. Some of us fawn: we say yes to every request, quietly absorb the extra work and keep everyone comfortable at our own expense.
These are protective responses, and they made sense somewhere along the way. They also ripple outward. When a leader fades, people feel the distance. When a leader gets frustrated, people get careful. When a leader fawns, people lose clarity about what actually matters. Noticing which one is ours, without judging it, is often enough to give us a little more choice.
Alongside Our Teams
Our people are coming into this season stretched too. Some are caring for sick kids or aging parents. Some are dreading the holidays rather than looking forward to them, and most are tired. Small moves from a leader can make a real difference. We can name the season honestly at a team meeting. We can be clear about what can wait until January. And we can ask a simple question in one-on-ones: “What would make the next few weeks more manageable for you?” People usually know what they need when someone asks.
Noticing Ourselves Too
Leaders tend to be very good at noticing what their teams need and much slower to notice it in ourselves. Many of us were promoted because we were the one who could hold it all together. That capacity serves people well. It can also be hard to set down when the workday ends.
A Little Permission
So this season, my hope for you is permission. You don’t have to finish the year perfectly or make the holidays good for everyone. Here is a checklist that isn’t another to-do list. Pick one, pick five, or write your own.
☐ Cancel one meeting that could have been an email.
☐ End meetings five minutes early so people can breathe between them.
☐ Tell your team which projects can wait until January, and mean it.
☐ Leave on time once this week, where your team can see you do it.
☐ Take three slow breaths before you open your inbox.
☐ Step outside for ten minutes, even if it’s minus 30. Notice the cold air, the crunch of snow, the light.
☐ Wrap your hands around a warm mug and do nothing else for a minute.
☐ Run a peppermint-scented bath and stay in until the water cools.
☐ Let the store-bought cookies count at the team potluck.
☐ Pause long enough to ask yourself, “How am I doing right now?” Then listen for the answer.
☐ Put your hand on your heart and remind yourself, “In this moment, I’m okay.”
☐ Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a good friend having a hard day.
☐ Give yourself a gold star for showing up. Stickers optional.
With Gratitude
Thank you for the care you bring to the people you lead. I hope the coming weeks bring you some real rest and a few moments of joy.
If you’d like support as you look toward the new year, for yourself or for your team, I’d welcome a conversation. You can reach me at discover@alanapeters.com.
